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I mentioned before how I feel like the English language has its own personality.That the way it has meanings and connections of and between words makes its origin ironic and questionable. Questionable not in the sense that it seems wrong, but in the sense that it makes you question other things.

e.g. Why is it that you wake in the morning, but at a wake you’re mourning.

The word feeling, I find, intricate. Probably for no justifiable reason, but the idea of it being defined as using the sense of touch, on another physical object. To physically feel something without using the other senses such as sight, smell, hearing or taste… So when someone says, you’ve hurt someones feelings, what would that definition be? You haven’t caused any physical damage to someone, purely metaphysical.

That definition of feeling, I suppose would be best interchanged with emotion. Which does house a physical basis. It’s all a bunch of hormones and chemicals causing the body to react in specific ways, but all these bodily reactions can be hidden. To feel someones feelings can be near to impossible unless that person wants them to be felt. Empathy can be a skill, but at the same time can be useless. So all though feelings/emotions can be just as physical as its first definition, it can be untouched, absent to physical presence. That’s the quirk I find interesting.

Feeling: the function or the power of perceiving by touch

or

A psychological state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is sometimes accompanied by physiological changes; a feeling

This really has no value, a jumble of my rantings. But it was when I woke up this morning, and things felt slightly different than most mornings. Just one little difference in my usual routine, and I felt like my skin wanted to crawl away. I felt a cramping tingling up and down my arms, sort of like goose bumps, but the feeling was an ache. It was strange, I haven’t felt it before.

In the scheme of things, the incident that broke my routine this morning wasn’t big, but that’s the thing. Its the little things that get bigger things off your mind that seem to make the bigger impacts. Because each time a little thing happens, it makes the bigger thing come closer. Like having a checklist of worries, saving the worst til last. Each red dash of completion, making the eyes draw nearer to the end. To reality.

No one can empathize with what I’m feeling, I won’t allow it. I still feel the chemical reactions, but in the real world they lay dormant. So this whole denial business… how would you classify it? Denial, is a feeling. I can’t feel it though. It can only be felt by the absence of the supposed presence of acceptance – which physical attributes I’m still unaware. If anything, I would guess that both are just collective terms for more usual and simple feelings/emotions/chemical reactions.

I’m sure I’ll find out soon enough. I’ll feel more new and odd chemical reactions, until finally the balance shifts and I go from one collective term to the other. Although I predict the emotions that they shelter will both be unsettling similar. Confusingly so. Ha… Confusing like this post.

Anyhow. I’ll stop my ramblings, for now anyway x

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