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New Years Eve. Celebrated by all, even the non-believers, the skeptics who are well aware of all it has to offer. Which isn’t much. Generally, the rule is to spend far too much money purely in anticipation of a countdown til midnight. People cheer, they cheers, there’s fireworks and then…

I think the biggest let down of it all, is there’s this perception that a new year gives everybody a chance to change – because they never had this option prior to this big calendarific miracle. Then comes that super cringe worthy game changer – The New Years resolution.

New Years Resolution: An overly optimistic life style change or goal usually made within the last fortnight of the conclusion of December, which usually lasts for less than this period. This usually happens when the individual realizes that the world is still the same place and hasn’t magically transformed liked their kitchen calendar.

I have to admit, I have most definitely had the worst year of my life. I would love a magic transformation, the ever so refreshing and relieving idea of a ‘fresh start’. I feel like if any one actually took two seconds to realize how stupid it all was, they might actually have a better chance of making positive life style changes – with out having to wait a year for the golden opportunity. With out the guilt that comes when they break the self promise and call it quits.

So, lets push all the mumbo jumbo to the side & bring on the childhood confession. I used to believe the world was magic. I used to believe in magic. When I was little I would get into trouble, not for damaging things or being to stubborn and making a scene, mainly because I had a terrible habit of getting distracted and day dream. I would look up towards the sky, bite my tongue out of habit as I hadn’t grown in to it at the time and it always seemed to stick out, and wonder. I would wonder about what fairies would be doing, how mermaids swam among the sea, about how if I thought hard enough I could somehow preform magic like the girl in the movie Matilda. Years passed, I got older, I still thought the world was hiding its magical secrets. I was 12 and I still thought if I wished for something hard enough, it would happen. I wasn’t naive though, I was well aware in life you were only granted 3.

Things changed when I was 15. I was unhappy with the fact my genie seemed to still be in hibernation, and it had become unsettling clear that if I wanted something to happen, I would have to do it myself; and I did. It unfortunately turned into a bit of a disaster – once you realize that you have the power that you once thought was limited to apparitions that lived in lamps, you get a bit ahead of yourself.

One of the 3 things is I wanted was to be skinnier, as all 15 year old girls seem to strive for. This was my first glimpse of my skills. I lost 15kg (33 pounds for those playing at home) in 3 months, and as I wasn’t that big to begin with, was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa which lasted at its heights for about 2 years.

It wasn’t ideal. I saw my parents cry for the first time, and funnily enough – it was then when I saw magic die. Because when you’re first met as a child with a true sense of reality, of guilt and responsibility. You realize that you have the power to change things, you’ve always had the power, but it’s not fun and exciting like a fairy sprinkling her magical dust, or a mermaid glittering among the deep sea. It’s exhausting, and sometimes dark.

Which brings me back to the primary mumbo jumbo. I don’t believe people think the same way as my 12 year old self, but I do think that they believe that the countdown to New Years holds some magic in its final tick. Which isn’t a bad thing, it allows the imagination to think up dreams. It’s these dreams that we use to form our goals, and although I still believe this process to be incredibly inefficient and tedious, I still see it for its merits.

My mum has started chain smoking pretty hard since my dad has passed away, which now stands at one day more than a month ago.  She says she’ll quit at the end of the year. This may not happen, and she might and will most likely fall of the rails. But it still allows me to finally say without guilt ‘You have to quit.’ Because she already promised, and even though times are hard, people realize that they can’t keep on making excuses. People say it takes more muscles to frown than it takes to smile, I like to think its the same with not doing something and doing something.

It takes more energy to avoid something, to allow something negative to fester and make up constant excuses to cover up its parasitic like existence. Because once you make a positive change, it’s linked to phrases like; ‘I feel better’, ‘I have more energy’, ‘a weight off my shoulders’, ‘I can sleep easier now’. It’s only the first step that may seem harder. But once you stop frowning, and you look at the world and decide that the glass actually is half full after so much self deliberation, and the corners of your mouth make that slight change in direction. It gets easier to be happy.

Quick weird fact about me, if I’m ever sad, or feel like I’m reaching breaking point. I cover my mouth so no one can see. And smile. Smile hard, and I smile for a good 30 seconds. The logic might be fractured, but once upon a time someone told me that the act of smiling causes happy endorphins to manifest. The human body almost magical, no?

That enough from me, until next time x