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I always prefer to write than to read majority of the time. I’d also rather talk than listen. Probably a very big flaw of mine. I’d prefer to make my own mind up about things than being told what to think or do. I like to be in control.

On the flip side of this, I prefer to make other people happy than myself. I’d rather spend my money on others and I’d rather spend my time pleasing others.

These in combination could be contradictory or balancing.

If someone is a hypocrite, and telling people to do other things whilst contradicting these very words. In some way, they’re balancing it out. Such a nonsensical way to look at it, but everything seems to balance itself out.

Even when things are completely horrible, in a big way. There are some small, tiny things that are glorious. In a way, in conjunction these two things aren’t adjacent enough to make up for one and the other. How ever you don’t need bright light to balance out complete darkness. If someone gave you a dim candle when you need a flood light, it can still make everything brighter. Because need isn’t always necessary. Most of the time ‘need’ is ‘want’, and realizing that sometimes second best is isn’t secondary at all. That in fact its the solution, can be so invigorating.

Currently I’ve been reading. It’s a book about making ‘goals with soul’, a few of you may know exactly what this book is. Someone gave it to me after hearing all the drama of my life and their response was,

“You need to stop thinking, and need to start feeling.”

I thought this was funny mainly because I don’t believe I hardly think enough or as much as most people do. I don’t stress nor worry much, but I do wonder a lot. I never realised that this wondering, this hypothetical thinking was the same. This ‘what could be’ which I thought was on the lower spectrum of stressful was just as time consuming. This whole blog was based on ‘how do I feel’ and ‘what should I be feeling’ when what I really needed to be concentrating on was ‘how do I want to feel?’.

I want to feel…

Happy. Energetic. Excitable. Confident. Calm. Loving.

For anyone playing at home, the books called ‘The Desire Map’ Danielle LaPorte

Highly recommend giving it a look over.

Til next time x

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