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Stretching out the old writing fingers…

So! My mother the other day told me that I should throw fairy dust on all my negative problems, that the world is a magical place and that I need to be more open to the idea of the universe helping me.

I won’t be a complete negative Nancy about this, I do agree that the world does some pretty freaky stuff – but in my experience, every time I saw an overwhelming sign of synchronicity it never led to anything good. Let me explain.

When I was seeing my last ‘boyfriend’, we tried to break it off many times due to circumstances. The first time we said our goodbyes I told him that our relationship was like a game of monopoly. He didn’t like my analogy, he never liked my analogies. I tried to draw on the similarities about how no matter how much we wanted Mayfair, it was up to the numbers on the dice, the text on the chance cards and rather than being defeated by the emotions of things not working out it was important to realise that every obstacle was in effect made for enjoyment. We had to look at everything and see it as it was designed, time meant to be enjoyed together. This wasn’t logical enough for him, or maybe just too abstract, but he shrugged his shoulders and listened.

As the night drew to a close, we slowly got up and said our farewells, thanked each other and walked out the door together. As he walked me to my Uber something caught our eye just outside the car door on the floor and he bent down to pick it up.

It was a Monopoly Card.

Even though things didn’t work out, he still keeps the card in his brown leather wallet. Somewhere in between his license, Amex and Opal. Or so he tells me.

The next time we tried to say our good byes we were in a dark bar located in the North side of Melbourne. I remember being frustrated and less optimistic this time. As more months were added to the self proclaimed terminal relationship, the harder it was for me to stay positive. I wanted it to end on a good note, and I think I managed a smile through my fragile spirit and broken eyes. But we did agree going into this that it wasn’t going to last, he then proceeded to walk down the stairs and to his Uber. Moments later I get a phone call.

Before I describe synchronicity #2 I’ll give you some back story. He and I always used a specific app to message each other. This app was chosen because he didn’t want to use Facebook messenger and I didn’t like the lack of stickers on WhatsApp. So he found an app with all the stickers one could hope for to ensure I wasn’t left disappointed. This app also happened to have its own characters and series of stickers, one in particular being a white Rabbit by the name of Cony. A day wouldn’t go passed where Cony didn’t pop his little heady by.

“Diz… Something just happened. It’s crazy. Possibly crazier than the Monopoly Card.”

He then sent me a photo of the fuel cap of his Uber. There in all his cheery glory was Cony, in bumper sticker form, freshly pressed against the cold white metal of the car.

“Diz, it’s crazy. I asked the driver about why he had the sticker there – he said some hooligan came passed 10 minutes ago and started putting stickers everywhere! What are the chances Diz!?!”

He sent me the photo evidence and just like he said, there was Cony, jumping in the air with one hand excitedly fist pumping upwards.

Both accounts were amazing and unforgettable, and yes you would have to imagine that this was the universe telling us that we were meant to be together. These coincidences no doubt played in the decision making of us attempting to do just that. In my decision of quitting my job so I could move state to be with him – no matter the recent hardships he put me through.

If those incidents never happened maybe we wouldn’t of played it out as far as we did. Maybe on the nights he made me cry I would’ve had the courage to end it there and then – but I couldn’t. And I never would be able to. One night I even remember being so hysterical that I wrote out the words and was about to press send, but instead, I took out my sim card and bit into it. Possibly one of the craziest things I’ve done, but I couldn’t do it, after everything, how could I? However that didn’t stop him.

My mum hated the idea of me moving to Sydney. I once got home after a weekend away with him to find that my Mums kitchen tap was broken. I asked her what had happened to which she responded;

“I was thinking of what would happen if you moved to Sydney and bam! The tap burst and there was an explosion of water! Massive waterworks! I think that’s the world saying you shouldn’t go Caitlin!”

I rolled my eyes and saw this as her trying to find any excuse to prevent me from going to Sydney. Funnily enough this turned out to be nothing short of synchronicity #3.

For my birthday I went up to Sydney after quitting my job with the plan to stay up there for a couple of weeks. The weather was so terrible that it was the worst storms Sydney had seen in decades – the rain was horizontal and didn’t dull down at any point.

That night, the night of my birthday, with a few swift sentences he broke up with me. There were waterworks. Who knew a kitchen sink could’ve been so wise? That was possibly the most pain I’ve ever had to go through. When my dad died I knew he loved me and would’ve done anything to ensure I was happy and safe. But when the person you loved throws you into a storm at your most vulnerable point without any conversation…

It’s been close to 5 months since then, and I’m not going to pretend that I’m over what happened to me. But if the universe sent me that Monopoly card, it sent me that jumping bunny… I left the situation feeling like nothing. I felt hopeless and alone. I’ve slowly picked myself back up.

The other day I saw myself in a similar scenario of drama caused by a guy. Without going into detail, another clear synchronicity came up as I was saying goodbye to him. I remember in that moment laughing, and then feeling my stomach suddenly dropping. All of my previous emotions came up and I felt my self scared.

My mum told me that the universe is here to help me, and it’s a beautiful amazing place. That I have to see the positives. Unfortunately, I can’t do that. I won’t stop trying to be happy and trying to do the best I can. But I can’t throw fairy dust on my problems, nor can I allow the universe to dictate my life.

 

Maybe one day it’ll be different.

 

Till then x

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